Wow it didn’t take me long to get overly depressed today. i was in the shower thinking about how I had already submitted some, certainly not all receipts to SCIF. No one said anything about a form to go along with them, just said yeah, send them copies of receipts. Last month I had submitted 3 co-pay receipts from the first psychiatrist I saw and subsequently took me off work, and also about 6-7 receipts from my chiropractor. Of course nothing has materialized, except of course that the letter my massage therapist wrote is now part of my medical file, because that went along with these receipts. Again this stuff was served to SCIF and their lawyer over a month ago. Counting days, it has been a week since going before the Judge, and I have not heard back from SCIF on anything which was supposed to be hashed out last week. Way to go “System” just keep on failing me. In 37 days I will be 26 1/2. I want my 20’s back. I want my life back. I want to have friends again. No these aren’t tears of joy. I’m dying inside, and they’ve just let me waste away, they don’t care. Hopefully just writing about this will allow my mind to cease thinking about this for a day, or even a few hours of peace would be lovely. I need to be back in California, I certainly never left willingly. I lost my life, thanks to the inadequate, inappropriate care provided and paid for by SCIF, along with their consistent failures to authorize or deny treatments, and consultations, which left me nowhere for over a year. They are ultimately responsible. Writing about my life and how I feel seems like a bad EMO song.
[tags]depressed, depression, SCIF, workers compensation, friends, receipts[/tags]
Workers’ Compensation Dreamin’
It’s all too often that I am unable to sleep, sometimes for days on end. There are only two days left of 2006. This time in my state of being awake, and looking at my logs for referrers I’ve come across some more interesting stuff to process. The lack of required mental health care and physical treatment has left me altered to say the least. I am emotionally unstable, I cry almost daily, and days I don’t I hold back my tears some how. I write in a blog because it is MY outlet. I don’t have a professional to talk to regularly anymore and this feels like the healthy thing to do. I honestly feel homicidal at times, and suicidal the rest of the time, again I fight my urges, feeling exhausted. I didn’t used to feel this way, I feel the medications that were last prescribed to me had a huge effect on this. You may have heard of it, Cymbalta. But I will get into that later.
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