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TODAY

Today for most people was just another day in their lives.  For me it was just another day over 2500 and counting since becoming mentally and physically disabled on the job and the life I built began evaporating away.  Only being 10118 days old, that’s just almost a quarter of my life missed.  This makes me angry.  My life doesn’t seem to have direction and meaning anymore.  It advances by quarters, months and years.  Days pass by freely like water flows.  I have not been able to work a day since at least August 21, 2001.  It feels like taking care of my health and Work Comp case has in itself become a full time job.  I have had to continually fight for my benefits as an injured worker.  It’s always one thing after another, more hoops to jump through, with no end in sight.

I’ve had to move residences 4 times due to financial hardship and other reasons over the last 7 years, each time after finally feeling settled into a new home.  I’d like to have some true stability in my home life and feel comfortable making long lasting bonds with new people.  I feel isolated from everyone, stuck in my home and unable to make solid connections.   I miss having an active lifestyle. I miss going to work everyday, being around people and having the feeling of productivity, when I accomplish a goal.  I miss waking up everyday not in pain.

Since the age of 10 I have been involved with technology or computers.  For my first job, I began working with computers at the age 14, doing desktop publishing, building computers and learning Linux.  My abilities and skills quickly evolved into real earning potential.  At 17 I was doing what I loved, making just over $45k a year managing over 200 servers.  By the year 2000, I was making $72k/year living at home with my father in Huntington Beach, with a 3 mile commute and made an educated decision to acquire a tax shelter.

I purchased a 3 bedroom condo and moved into my own first home in March of 2000.  That summer on vacation, I also purchased a timeshare in Florida, which I now regret as I haven’t even been to it for something which costs me roughly $4000/year.

At the end of 2000, the Internet bubble burst, and the Internet Service Provider I worked for began shutting down in December.  Starting off 2001 seeking new employment, I found a job opening for a computer vision technology and software company in Los Angeles, named Eyematic Interfaces.  I was quickly hired on at $82k/year, as a Senior Systems Network Administrator.  I then began working long 60+ hour work weeks, on top of 3+ hour commutes from Huntington Beach, to the LAX area.  Outside of work, I made friends with many of my new co-workers, only to see these friendships disappear soon after becoming unable to work.

My small fractured social life of friends and family are all that I have.  Many of my older friends have always been connected in some way, be it via a modem dialing up to a BBS, or via the Internet, email, IRC, instant messaging, blogs and online games.  As difficult as it is for me now, I can still use a computer with some degree of function.  I’ve managed to keep in touch with some of them as we all become more interconnected via social networks and syndication feeds.  Something that used to be so easy for me to do, like socialize via the computer, has become a task wrought with pain, frustration, and I remain stuck in a loop.

I am still physically unable to participate in “normal” daily activities as much as I would like, though I try.  On a daily basis I watch a lot of television or play with my dog.  My life has become quite passive.  Not having much of a life to discuss anymore, I find it very difficult to get out and make new friends.  Technology has decidedly made it easier for me to ask the question, “what are my friends doing?”  I’ve seen many of my friends do things I have been unable to; start and finish college, change careers, travel the world, date, get married, build a family, or begin their life, just as I was in the process of doing back in 2001.  At the time, I felt I was getting to the head of the class in my life.  Now in 2008 I feel like I’ve flunked out of elementary school.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been psychologically evaluated, and it does not get easier each time.  It is becoming harder and more difficult to rehash the situations, dates, times, feelings, thoughts and places I’d hoped to move on from.  Frankly I’m tired of being routinely paraded out, forced to perform “tricks” and made out to be a lallygagging, criminal by the Worker’s Compensation system and SCIF.  I have always just wanted to feel and get better so I can move on with my life.  Apparently they don’t want to really help me.  To this day SCIF has successfully managed to delay or deny access to therapy, treatment, and medicine which provide relief from the injuries I sustained while working for Eyematic Interfaces.  Their most effective tactic; delaying, and wearing down my will to persevere, continues.  Another is forcing me to see doctors who are on their side, who then provide reports to SCIF which portray me in a negative light and are unresponsive to my needs.

All the while SCIF continues to send me reports, upon duplicate reports, other documents creating a rather nasty unorganized system of filing which consists of no less than 3 full, growing file boxes located in two states and a Google Calendar containing the thousands of appointments I’ve been to.  Due to the shear amount of data, I haven’t been able to submit my mileage for reimbursement since 2003.  I have also dutifully saved all the expenses, receipts associated with my care.  There is no way I can keep track of it all in it’s present form.  I don’t think anyone could truly make sense of the complete mess.

A few weeks ago, my physical therapist told me not to come in anymore because SCIF informed them I had enough physical therapy for my neck.  Mind you they’ve done this before, this time I had a better idea though of what was due to me.  I immediately told SCIF they had to provide me with some ability to continue exercising.  They authorized 6 months to a gym.  I’m trying to go every other day and keep an excersise log of what I’ve done.  I’ve gone 6 times as of today, 2008.05.08 when I wrote this part.

I’m there for about an hour and change.  I would like to add more to my exercises plan.  My routine isn’t that involved.  Right now it is basically what I was doing in physical therapy because without advanced direction I am unsure what exercises I can do without greatly increasing my pain levels.  I have two personal trainer sessions from the gym membership which I will use soon.  There is continuous pain and discomfort with all my exercises.  The next day I am usually sore all over which is expected.  My lower back, left shoulder are still messed up.



I’ve been able to be considerably more active since I restarted therapy this year and I have regained some physical mobility and functionality.  I also no longer have headaches virtually everyday, only the occasional tension headache.  The added activity has got me thinking about work more again.  Being out of work as long as I have, I am unsure of my self.  I’ve never done any other kind of work.  I do not think I am as confident as I used to be in my skills.  Some of my friends think that perhaps I could try to work from home part time via telecommuting which is more prevalent these days.

Work rehabilitation was offered to me at the beginning of my case, and several times through the years.  I do not know what all is involved with that process.  It has since been retracted because there is a 5 year expiration period and my inability to take advantage of the benefit.  I’ve been before a WC Judge about this issue, and it still remains unresolved.  Again, I am unsure as to my readiness, but would still like to be evaluated, to see if I am capable and ready for this still unused benefit.

I have difficulty remembering details as I have tried to move on.  Having to be continuously evaluated and tested without treatment year after year by more doctors is not fun.  Essentially from November 2003 to January 2007 I was not under the care or guidance of any treating physician and SCIF was happily complacent with this lack of treatment in my cases.


TURNING POINT

January 2007 was a turning point, or at least a new chapter in this saga.  Through the QME process that began in January 2005, which has still not completed yet, I was sent to Dr Clifford Bernstein, for a pain management consultation.  Doctor Bernstein instantly recognized the neglect and mistreatment perpetrated by SCIF throughout my case.  In February 2007, days before a mandatory settlement conference, with a Work Comp Judge, he offered to become my Primary Treating Physician.  Subsequently, every 6-8 weeks, I had to make the 12hour, 1000+ mile trek between California and Arizona for follow up doctors appointments, which was physically demanding and painful.  Dr Bernstein also prescribed me Amitizia to help with my bowel troubles, and an antidepressant, Symbyax, that I have been taking for quite some time now with good results.  These medications have had the added benefit of making it easier for me to fall asleep at night.

On 2007.12.03, Dr Jon White performed an anterior cervical discectomy on 2 levels of my neck.  I have been classified totally temporarily disabled again since that time, with a bi-weekly benefit of $1763.32.  I have recovered from the surgery well.  I have one new complaint which I’ve made my treating doctors aware of.  Bending, turning my head, and neck, in some ways causes sharp pain in my shoulders, and makes my middle finger, first finger, and thumb go numb on my left hand.  I had issues with other digits on this hand, but they went away after the surgery.

Only three weeks before the surgery, I was living in a little military town, 70 miles south of Tucson in Arizona, called Sierra Vista.  I lived there for just about 3 years, with my father, from November 2004 to November 2007, when I moved back to Laguna Hills, Orange County. This is where I had lived 25 years prior.  The entire time I was living in Sierra Vista, I was completely unable to find doctors within the state of Arizona who were willing to work with me and my case.  The California Worker’s Comp system is apparently very difficult to do business with from another state.  Fortunately, I was able to find local providers of deep tissue massage, and chiropractic which is beneficial in providing day to day relief.  My father has had to pay for my moving, travel expenses and therapies out of his pocket.

Officially I have a medical marijuana recommendation since November 27th, 2007.  I obtained this after moving back to California.  Having to live in another state, where it is illegal to even posses marijuana, made my life even more difficult mentally and physically.  Living in Arizona it was never easy to find marijuana, and not being able to freely medicate made going about my days miserable.  Dr Bernstein and I have repeatedly asked SCIF to provide reimbursement for the medical use of cannabis and they have refused.  This is another financial expense I must endure.

THE INJURY

On the afternoon of Thursday July 26th 2001, working for Eyematic, I was out at the companies’ co-location provider doing some computer server installations.  After installing all of the rackmount hardware, I was attempting to install a 90lbs 2U server into a rack above my head.  I lifted the large awkward sized server, utilizing my legs, from waist height off a rolling cart.  I got the server to about head level and my body winced.  I dropped and caught the server in a matter of inches.  I was able to lower the server back to the cart and went to get help from the co-location technician on duty to complete the installation.  I do not recall if I was able to complete the 2 other smaller 1U server installations I was to do that day.  I was able to drive home afterwards.

I had no idea the damage I had sustained until the next morning when I awoke with a headache, unable to move and get out of bed.  I called work to let them know what had happened.  They told me to see my regular doctor, Dr Rita Archer and be evaluated for my injury.  After about a month of continuing to work and of doing physical therapy, prescribed by Dr Archer, she directed me to an orthopedist group.  Dr Francini of this group eventually became my PTP until mid 2002.  Early in September 2001 he also made me TTD for my physical injury.

In May 30th 2001 and on many other occasions before and after I was verbally harassed by a vice president of the company, Steve Milo.  The May 30th and many other incidents are no longer that clear to me at the time I believed it was due to my young age.  Thankfully the human resources person at Eyematic told me to document what happened that day.  I am glad he did.  I provided the May 30th document, along with a letter from Eric J Boyd who witnessed some of the incidents, to Dr Sherry Mendelson when she first evaluated me in Novemer 2001.

I was still working for Eyematic Interfaces until August 21st 2001.  By that time I could no longer deal with my pain, day to day tasks at work, driving the long distance to and from work everyday through traffic.  Also after several treatment sessions with Dr Daniel Cheuh, a psychiatrist I was seeing through my private insurance, I was excused from work by him due to work related stress and diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder.  Dr Cheuh initially prescribed me Wellbutrin. Not long after beginning treatment I was unable to afford the medication and had to stop abruptly to ween myself off it.  Dr Cheuh was unwilling to treat me under worker’s compensation.

October 2001, my bi-weekly benefit is only $980.  With the bills piling up, not being able to work, no longer able to afford the $1900/month condo in Huntington Beach, foreseeing money issues I got another roommate to share the expenses with my sister and me.  I made every effort to wait for the short term capital gains tax time period of 2 years since purchasing my home.

At the beginning of November 2001, I realized I was spending far too much time home and alone, and made the decision to get a dog as a companion animal.  I got a 6months old pit bull mix from the pound.

SUBSEQUENT MOVES AND YEARS

2002 and 2003

Around March/April 2002, I suffered through a bought of calcium kidney stones.  I believe were caused by the aggressive use of Vicodin and other prescription pain killers provided to me.  It was suggested that I try marijuana for pain relief.  It was quite helpful, so at that time I made the decision to control my pain through the use of cannabis and continue with the other less addictive and more holistic therapies such as the physical therapy, acupuncture and massage prescribed by Dr Francini, which I accredit to keeping me active early on in my injury.

Spring of 2002 I listed my timeshare for sale with TimesharesOnly.com, that annoying TV commercial which states “Sell it quick, Sell it for cash!“  It’s now 2008, and still hasn’t sold yet. The listing cost was around $600 to boot.

From May/June 2002 until moving to Oceanside December 2003, I was under the primary care of Dr Cary Rothenberg DC.  The most beneficial pain relieving therapies provided to me by Dr Rothenberg were, Aquatic Therapy, Chiropractic, Deep tissue Massage, and Acupuncture.  If SCIF would only authorize them as they did previously, I still believe these therapies would be a benefit to me today.  Acupuncture is just a great thing I feel and helps on many levels.  Being in a pool of water the buoyancy really relieves the pressure on my back.  During this period many things were said and later not done in my case.  Most of which I have difficultly remembering clearly nowadays.

By mid summer 2002, I had to evict the tenant.  This
person became a real personal problem with his repeated failure to pay
rent and utilities.  Soon thereafter I was then able to quickly list
and sell the condo.  I then had to find a new home for my dog and
me.  It was difficult to find rental properties that would accept my
dog due to his breed.  The last place on my list of places to look
turned out to be OK, and I moved to Irvine.

September 2002, tired of dealing with leg issues while driving a Honda Civic with a manual transmission, I decided to get a new automatic vehicle, that would also be easier to get in and out of.  I got a Honda CRV.

January 2003, Tried to take some classes at Irvine Valley College.  I ended up dropping the more intellectual classes unable really pay much attention, sitting in one place during and trying to study outside of class.  I was left with Computer Applications in Music, and a Digital Video Editing class.  These classes were more social than anything, which was a good thing at the time.

In May of 2003 I was informed by the leasing office that the apartment company had changed their dog breed restrictions and I would have to find a new home soon.

Coincidentally, I was introduced to some new friends who had been planning on moving to a new home in Oceanside that December.  They offered me a room in a big house with a backyard, and they had a dog who was friendly with mine.  This seemed like a good change at the time and the leasing office said I could stay the extra months.  I informed my lawyer, and SCIF of my plans that June.  My sister moved in with me that summer and stayed until October 2003.

In August 2003, I was seen by Dr Nimish Shah, a pain management doctor, who suggested that I be treated and evaluated for the possible diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.

At the end of August I tried to take some more classes at IVC.  I again had to drop them for the same reasons above.

I can’t remember having any complaints about Dick Runnels, my first lawyer, until December 2003 when there was a complete loss of communication along with his failure to help me find continuing care.  I fired him late December 2003.


2004
Around February 2004, after I had settled in to my new home in Oceanside, I attempted to get my case back on track and hired a the 2nd lawyer on my case, Laurie Allread.  Ms Allread decided that all the previous work done on my case was bad, and she needed to start it all from scratch.  Reluctantly I went along with her until about a month later, she sent me another clients medical records.  I fired Ms Allread due to her obvious incompetence.

Throughout the life of my case, I have been through more doctors than I
can remember, and two lawyers.  Both whom I had fired for incompetency
within 4 months of each other.   If only I could fire SCIF for the same
indiscretions they to have also committed.  At this point I began publicly blogging about my cases.

May 2004 I was evaluated for the 2nd time by Dr Sherry Mendelson QME, and in her report she recommended an additional 6 months of psychological counseling, which SCIF completely ignored, and has buried.

In August 2004, after waiting approximately 1 year, I was finally given a negative diagnosis of Fibromyalgia.  Throughout 2004, I made many attempts to seek the health care and treatment due me.  The doctors SCIF sent me to were unresponsive, and any treatments they requested were ignored by SCIF.

SCIF sent me to Dr Laurie Pierce and made her my PTP.  She asked me to start keeping a pain blog/journal, http://px-actlog.blogspot.com/ , which I did for several months that year and in 2005.  I’ve since provided it to her and other doctors.  Both she and Dr Stephen Signer, refused to acknowledge it in their reports. Dr Pierce made me PNS, December 2004, and the permanent disability benefit was then set to $680/month.

My last visit with Dr Robert Wayne Brown, psychologist, was in November or December 2004 after being under his care since October 2001.  Other doctors who have since evaluated me, said in their reports without explanation, that the care I received by Dr Brown was inappropriate.

Dr Stephen Signer is a psychiatrist SCIF sent me to during 2004.  He managed to put me on several medications which adversely affected my day to day life and thoughts.  Instead of providing therapy, he prescribed medications for off label uses.  December 2004, in Arizona, I ended up in the hospital for chest pains which were caused by the nasty withdrawal symptoms from Cymbalta, a medication he had me on and failed to provide prescription coverage for.

MOVE TO ARIZONA

Around October 2004, I became more and more distraught by how much time as passed, and still no progress.  At that same time, my “friends” who I was living with, gave me 30 days notice to move out. There were no reasons given for this.  I had moved down to Oceanside from Irvine with them, and had no issues with them for the past 11 months.  Something must have made them decide to purposefully make my life more difficult.  The people who I thought were my good friends turned out to not be.  Having nowhere else to go, I put most of my belongings in storage, and moved into my father’s home in Arizona with only the stuff I could cram into my Honda CRV.

THE QME PROCESS

I started the QME process in January 2005.  Since then SCIF has committed several questionable, illegal acts such as ex-parte communications with the evaluators and continually made it extremely difficult to participate with the QME process.  Luckily, for the first 2 years of the QME process, the small town where I lived had an airport with service to PHX, this made the frequent traveling easier than driving, until service was shut down at the beginning of 2007.

The physical injury I sustained while installing computer servers into a rack, and the initial psych injuries seems minimal when compared to the amount of mental, and physical anguish forced upon me by SCIF.  The initial August 21 2001 psych claim was denied by SCIF until an evaluation was performed by Dr Mendelson several months after the fact.  For months on end nothing moves forward, and there seems to be a regular breakdown randomly sometime every year these past 7 years that this has been going on.

The 9 months of effort and hard work I poured into my job has left me with nothing to show but physical disability, depression, anxiety, and perhaps, other mental illness.  I’m pretty sure that I am no longer suffering from the original work related stress, harassment.  I am confident however that my state of mind reflects that of someone with chronic pain who has been depressed, stuck in the system for the last 7, going on 8 years.