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I’ve been tired of a friendship for quite some time. It’s been a while, so writing about it again seemed like a good productive idea.

Damn this is a long post.

Proven time and again, you should not expect much from those whose expectations are not similar to your own.

Does it take you a long time to figure that out? I’m pretty good at reading people, so not long.

In such a small town, you can’t be choosy about friends, so you make compromises you think your able to put up with.

I tend to take the unfortunate route of testing it, and try to see questionable things in a lesser light. Maybe even guilty of attempting to provide ideas of positive change. But you cannot help someone who refuses to help themselves.

Just because those who are OK people some of the time doesn’t mean once in a while they’re not;
loud
indecisive
abusive
idiots
morons
dumb shits
stupid
defective
blind
deaf
slobbish
swine

One of these a day is OK, two can be amusing. When these issues become more and more apparent, how should one handle them? I’m picky and a bit of a neat freak, and having to consistently ignore each of these doesn’t help.

How hard is it to pick a place to eat, when it’s Sunday, 9pm and you know there is only 2 choices? Does it really need to take 15 minutes? Here’s an idea, learn to use the grocery store, cook your own food, it’s a lot cheaper than eating out every night.
Grow up, Save Money, Learn. Why is this hard for some to understand? They must lack clarity.

I don’t like hearing the Al Bundy, “A Fat Woman came into the shoe store today” spiel every day about your job, and co-workers.
I have not been able to work in 5+ years, and I do miss it. I know people have jobs, and such, but hearing about their jobs on a daily basis, gives me distress and consistently hurts my feelings, I want to work again, feel useful, and earn my own living.
Even when I was working, I’d really rather not hear you complain about how much you hate your job, or how little money you make, go find a better one, or blog about it. If I care to know about your day I’ll ask.

If it’s cold outside, and you’ve been told many times the cold bothers someone wouldn’t you consciously decide to make them comfortable?
I wear clothes to keep me at a comfortable temperature, that’s what they are here for.
I’m not going to bust out the arctic gear to hangout with you.
If i have to wear long pants, sweater-hoody, and hat while hanging out inside your place, it’s fucking cold, offer me a clean blanket?
In my eyes being polite, involves taking notice of when someone continually comments on the temperature of your home as being very uncomfortable.

So what would you do?
Sit on your ass.
Claim being poor/bankruptcy?
Wait until it’s literally freezing outside at 4pm.
Yea I’m pissed off. How would you like me to provide you with similar pain? Oh sorry, that would be torture.

But it’s not the only straw to break the camels back.

If you don’t have a fucking regular job, how hard is it to keep a small house/trailer clean, all medical excuses aside, simply choosing to pickup after yourself cleans up 99% of all messes. Maybe even keeping trashcans and other things needed for proper and regular refuse disposal. Do you really love living in a garbage dump? That’s what your actions tell me.

Sure the past couple months I’ve been able to move more freely through your place that’s great, but it only takes a day and it’s basically trashed again, and path ways become obstructed.
Get off your ass, yes, keeping your own place clean is difficult, that’s why you clean after you make a mess, not when all you feel like it making it your chore for the week.

I’m too nice, over many many many times, I come over and choose to cleanup your mess to make a nice spot for myself to sit down relax, and put my things down. my attempts to dispose of what’s left around where i choose to sit, should be telling you something.

Your lazy ass should have just disposed of it when you finished. Millions of wrappers everywhere, each an absolute delight to pickup(not!), ashtrays filled to the brim, lets just keep cramming more in there. Half filled cups left wherever to be spilled, creating more of a mess than when the journey began.

If you can’t keep your home relatively clean, should I knowingly expect otherwise when I visit?
To be blunt, If that’s how you see yourself living, i really don’t want to hangout at your sty.

Teaching by example doesn’t work. I tend to pickup after myself if i am able to. It helps being able to put trash somewhere easily.

Shouldn’t your friends be aware of their friends’ basic needs or comfort? If they are not your friend it doesn’t matter, and this should be made more clear.
If you have neck/back problems as I do, being cold is but one of my enemies.
What happens when it gets COLD, the body decides to stop pumping blood to the extremities.
shivering
spasms through out 2/3 or great in my body don’t make me smile, should they?
hemorrhoids suck
carpal tunnel
blood flow is key
just to name a few.

I think it should be discussed and has been politely, alas making it a serious discussion consistently proves futile and being serious is no fun, which is what friends are supposed to be about.

minimally, friends should be able to offer the following when at their home, no order;
1. Somewhere to go, of an agreeable temperature, see spasms, blood flow.
2. Uncluttered trash free environment. It’s quite unfitting of a healthy mind to live otherwise.
3. I dislike bugs, so bug free is critical, unless their pets. Of course if their not your pets, do something about it. See trash, exterminator.
4. Being able to offer something to drink, maybe it’s just a California thing but I like to be able to drink tasty water, read non-tap, when at a friends. I don’t care much for soda, as its just bad for you.
5. Flat open spaces so that I am able to stretch out and be comfortable as needed, which is often.
I don’t mind a hard/tile/plywood floor, although carpet would be softer. Perhaps ideally maybe even a cushion. how hard is that?
6. Quality social interactions, being free to discuss yourself without the other person(s) shutting down, and turning into a child. At times I will choose to be more confrontational, generally I hold back many of my thoughts.

When all those needs become ignored comments, is it time to call it quits?
Yes.
When do ignored comments become an abusive situation?

I get enough of this shit from SCIF (Hello!) as it is. (Which i didn’t want to write about, but now am slightly)
Change of Attorney? “lost” >8 months, 2 or 3 years ago, at which time, i believe some seriously illegal, increasingly immoral shit happened to me and my cases.
Important requests from QME, which were supposed to be completed while in California, “lost” so far 2+ months and counting. The QME process is severely broken as it’s taken 2+ years to get to where I am, which is still far from complete.

I certainly don’t need any similar guff from so-called friends.
Friendships are supposed to grow and mature, not ferment, and become disgusting towards each other.
Friendships should be mutually prospective, and enjoyable.

Use of things?
I’m a really nice person with my stuff, maybe too nice.

If i have something that a friend could use that i don’t have a pressing need to use, I let them borrow it.

This generally works out well… Except for a few times i can remember off hand;
dh, “lost” a side to one of my new cases a few years ago and refused to provide explanation or even reimbursement.

Since moving to this shit hole;
I loaned out my dreamcast video cable so someone could test one they’d received, let’s just say it’s gone.
I loaned out a considerable amount of stuff, wireless card, 2 access points, xbox, 4 wireless controllers, what’s missing now? The expensive to replace power supply for one of my access points.

Not withstanding the consistent bad decisions of others, I’ll take some blame for this, i should not have loaned my things to this group of people so easily, although some were to increase my own comfort while at a friends’ home.

It should really click in my head something is wrong when your actions show that you feel obligated to something of mine.

OK, so You consider yourself a good friend, and your borrowing your friend’s stuff, how would you treat it?
Would you keep track of the loaned items, keeping them clean, and put away when not in use?
Would you consistently misplace the items, or get them filthy with you name it. ashes, drinks, or worse.

(If you need to constantly visibly touch yourself in the company of friends, stop. I do not need to see that shit. Just because you think i don’t see you, don’t sneak in a few touchies, it’s gross. Go wash your hands. Do not touch my things. Just because it’s your place, doesn’t mean you should make your friends uncomfortable. You have plenty of time to play with yourself when no one is around, or at least in the bathroom. Where your alone, and have a sink, maybe even some antibacterial soap. ha! unlikely.)

How much of your attention should friends receive?
For me it’s difficult to not pay attention if the person is “uncontrollably” bouncing their leg(, or doing other sneaky visible things). If your sitting on something, and it’s moving, this is not comfortable to me. Frankly, there are many things I should not have to ask every half hour to stop, so I’ll put up with it for a while. If i have to say something about it, it’s really bothering me.

Really how aware of your surroundings are you if it takes 3 or more tries to get your attention? ( from the world’s lamest television shows, daydream? )

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How many times would you make seemingly “helpful” thoughts or ideas known?

I’m not as sharp as i used to be.
As lately it would seem those I’ve chosen as friends have trouble cutting water. OK not lately, but since I’ve met them, I’ve politely held my tongue for many things, and often tried to make helpful comments, without sounding too negative.
I hate seeing people I’ve chosen as friends make bad decisions.
Issues can ensue when they’re continually so bad, that i think less of them.
At this point I’ll more freely speak my mind, and likely offend you because you are unable to take criticism.

If that’s bad, then i don’t want to be good, and it’s times like these when I’d rather have no friends at all, which is not good. Everyone needs at least one friend.

How you choose to live your life is a right of our country.
The personal choices we make, and those who we associate with define our character.

It’s time to redefine.