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so im trying to make myself feel a little better, which seems to be the wrong word, maybe more clear headed, either way it’s somewhat working.

maybe i should have gone to the movies with dave and kimmie. instead of feeling down.

eh.

its kind of a push. i don’t really want to go over there, but i dont feel like being here at home. i dont feel like being over there for reasons i’ll get to later.

dave and kimmie are both somewhat pissing me off lately more so than usual. i dont feel like being overly confrontational with the only friends i’ve made since moving who haven’t exactly done anything against me.

i just needed to get some of this crap out.
the built up emotions and feelings inside me.
i feel like the slightest thing could just set me off.

the conversations and thoughts, that i have with myself can only bring one so much gratification. i know i’m a loner. i generally prefer to be alone. but there is no alone time here, living at my dad’s.

life is lonely, which is why i have friends. to break out of the self contained madness that goes on in my head.

it’s pretty selfish of me to expect much from friends.

you meet them and eventually learn how they are, but generally you can get a good idea of how they are with their life, comparatively to how well they keep their home.

dave, kimmie
what the fuck clean your house. i like hanging out with you two, but all excuses aside.

it’s disgusting. learn to pickup after yourselves. living in filth will only make your lives feel less fulfilling. once you learn this simple bit of information, things will change radically and you know this.
sometimes i don’t want to be over there it’s just horrid. but i consider you both to be friends, and try to keep it to myself. although if things do not change soon, i will attempt to spend less and less time over there. just being over there in that chaotic state of living, makes me feel worse than i already am. and i dont need that drain on my already limited amount of energy.

dave quit bitching about your life, fish, and get a job. your life presently ain’t that bad. you said you need to get your life back on track, so just do it. help your girlfriend. life must be tough, spending her money, and mooching off her.

dont get me wrong. i can see you have great potential.

your cool, and a good friend to me, but i honestly dislike the way your treat yourself. fucking work on yourself, while you still have the insurance to take care of the things that are wrong with you. some of the things are simple, the others are quite scary, but all things need to be attended to with haste.

kimmie, congrats on the “new higher paying” job. (cough) diner.
but as i said the other night i just wish you could keep your mouth shut about work bitchings. Dont be like Al Bundy. take that energy and learn something new, or dont give yourself time to bitch, go back to school, and improve yourself. hell you’ve already made it two years, whats two more. your smart enough.